Government Shutdown
by fullmoon'11
Summary: America, fed up with his boss over the issue of the government shutdown, tries to escape his duties. "Tries" being the key word. Black humor, actual sly humor, British slang (it's England, goodness). One-shot, completely random idea.


**Title: **The Tale of the Government Shutdown

**Author:** fullmoon'11

**Warnings:** OOC! America

America strode down the hallway, blue eyes sharp like flint, mouth set in an eerie grin, black briefcase tucked under his arm.

He was tired of this. Tired of all this political hubbub, of this skirting around the main topic, of this putting things off to a later date.

He wanted them to reach a compromise. His people were suffering, and he would do something or another to help those several thousand on furlough at the moment due to the government shutdown.

The deadline to raise the debt ceiling was coming up in a few weeks as well, and if this issue wasn't resolved by then…

America feared that his people would abolish the government, or, worse, start another civil war. That would mean that his people would turn on each other and brother would slaughter brother, sister backstab sister, and mother betray children. Just like the Civil War fought in the 1860s over the issue of slavery.

He didn't want that to happen ever again. They had come close in 1995, with the government shutdown then, but Clinton had been a good president, and the issue had been resolved without too much tension.

But then was different from now… and the GOP was nowhere close to a compromise, although they had started to talk. To talk. Nine days after the government shutdown began, they begin to talk. That's pathetic.

So here he was, trying to resolve this issue.

He still remembered when China and Japan had, for the sake of the money he owed to them, set aside their differences and confronted him after the last world meeting.

_"America!"_

_He turned and met the eyes of two rather angry Asian countries._

_"Haha, if it isn't China and Japan!"_

_"You, pay me back my money now! You western power, why'd I lend you money in the first place? Aiyah!"_

_"Please do not keep my government waiting for too long for you to pay me back, America-kun. That will not have nice consequences."_

_America laughed. "I'm the hero; I've got it taken care of! Now all I need to do is tell off my leader, okay guys? Then I'll get the money back to you whenever I can."_

America reached into his briefcase and read the letter one more time. Then he entered the President's office (vacant at the moment since he was at a meeting) and placed it on his desk.

Then he left the room, closing the door quietly behind him.

To the Congressmen and to Mr. President:

I have one phrase I would like to quote as of right now. It comes from an important political document of the United States of America, written by one important Founding Father.

"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness - That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed".

Keep in mind, Mr. President, that the power which you have control over now is given to you by the people, and that the people have the right to take it away.

So please, Congresspeople and President, get to a compromise already before you cause the 20% (or so) of American people that trust in you to lose faith.

And don't try to convince me, I've never had any faith in you.

I'm going on a vacation. Contact me after you've opened the government up again.

Sincerely,

Alfred

The President stood at his window, an officer from the CIA standing behind him.

"Go find Alfred."

"Yes sir."

* * *

"America!"

"Yeah, England?"

"Why are you standing on my doorstep, dripping wet? Did you try escaping from work again?"

"Dude… my government is in a state of partial shutdown."

"Ah, right. Here, take this towel and go dry off. Don't drip that water all over my floor like you did last time!"

"Haha… What do you mean? That wasn't dripping, that was just… me being the HERO!"

England face palmed and sighed. "If you're here, I'm guessing your brother will be here soon as well? Since you two are stuck to each other."

"Of course, England! Mattie and me are gonna go hiking to see some moose in his country, so we're just dropping by here to say hi first."

"That sounds suspicious."

Before England could elaborate more, there was a knock on the door.

"Oh, Mattie! Let's go, bro! Bye, England, if anybody from my government comes, tell them I left!"

"Okay… wait what? Alfred! America! AMERICA, GET BACK HERE!"

But Alfred was long gone, sprinting down the road toward a maple leaf covered car.

* * *

"So, Mattie, why the long face?"

"Because I'm suspicious of why you decided to take a break right now."

"But… I'm your bro, dude! Why would I lie to you?" America laughed nervously as he said.

"Alfred. That laugh bodes no good. What did you do now, eh?"

"Haha… I just left the president and those congressmen to deal with what they started."

"Alfred! Don't tell me you just left on a vacation and let them take care of the rest!"

"…"

"Oh my goodness, you did, didn't you? No wonder England's mad!"

* * *

"So have you seen Mr. Jones lately?"

"I have told you this fifteen times, and now for the sixteenth time, yes, but he's already left for Canada! What do you not understand about that, you git?"

"We're sorry, Mr. Kirkland, but you'll have to let us search your house. We cannot be sure that you aren't hiding your little brother from us."

"No."

"Mr. Kirkland, I have orders from the President to do so."

"Well, I am a country."

"Our men are searching Canada as we speak. They have not found either Mr. Williams or Mr. Jones."

"Well then, your men are idiotic pricks."

* * *

"Alfred, there is something you aren't telling me."

"Huh? What could you mean, Mattie?"

"Why has your president sent people after us?"

"What?"

"There are two men up near the peak of the mountain, and they're not my citizens, and they're wearing suits and talking into a black walkie talkie. There's also a helicopter hovering over my capital right now."

"Dude, Mattie, how do you do that? That's awesome!"

"Well, do you know why?"

"No."

"Then they must want you back." Matthew commented, an evil glint showing in his violet eyes.

"Mattie…" Alfred warned him cautiously.

"Come here, Alfred."

"No!" Alfred ran away, towards the top of the mountain… and the men stationed there.

"Ah crap."

And Matthew waved as Alfred left, escorted by two of his people and the helicopter.

* * *

The man's phone rang, and he left off in his argument with England to pick it up.

"What's that you say? You found Mr. Jones? Where? On top of a mountain in Canada?"

England looked smug. "What did I tell you? You never chose to believe me."

"Yes, yes, well, I'm speaking with Mr. Kirkland at the moment. Call me back later and submit your report by Friday."

The man closed the phone and glared at the rosebushes in England's garden.

"So?"

"I'm sorry, Mr. Kirkland, for the misunderstanding. I shall be leaving now. Good day."

And the man walked back through the garden path to the car waiting outside.

* * *

"Alfred, please explain why you just left."

"No, not until you resolve the government shutdown."

"Alfred, that's not in my ability to –"

"You can, and you know you can. So do it, and don't try to find me until you do."

"Alfred, you have to understand –"

The door slammed shut behind one very angry American.

* * *

"Yo, Mattie!"

The door slammed shut in his face.

* * *

"Hey, England…"

"No."

And the call was ended.

* * *

"Um… China? I know it's not a good time for you right now, but could you –"

"Go away, aru."

* * *

"Japan!"

No response.

* * *

America was frustrated. England had rejected his plea to hide him for a few days, Mattie had slammed the door in his face, China had completely ignored him, and Japan wasn't even home.

It was time to end this farce.

* * *

"Mr. President. You will end the shutdown now, or I shall have to take drastic measures."


End file.
